Wow

Everyone knows we've been through a rough patch lately.  Adam and I were talking about it the other night.  I said "It's been a rough three months.."  He said, "You mean six."  To which I replied, "No, we only found out about the brain tumor three months ago."  He answered, "No, I've been feeling crappy for six months."  I was surprised at that, "What do you mean?"  He said, "I was having the headaches for three months before they diagnosed it.  But who keeps having headaches and automatically thinks brain tumor??"  I replied, "Lots of people.  Lots of people who have constant headaches start thinking brain tumor."  Seriously.  Only someone who's been through as much crap as he has would think that way.  (Love you honey.)

Part of the deal of going through all this is that he's had a few priesthood blessings.  The first one was before the diagnosis which I detailed in the post where I told all about being diagnosed.  We knew Adam was going to be okay.  I have to admit that I didn't doubt that.  I did worry about exactly what the Lord meant by 'okay' but I didn't worry that he would die.  When we had to rush back to Portland due to complications, Adam got another blessing.  Again, he was told to trust the doctors. (which he often counters with "Well, which doctors.  They all said different things.")  He was also promised that the Lord would take care of us financially.  (Funny story about that... During the blessing, which was fairly detailed, all kinds of things were covered and I actually had the thought, "Well, ya forgot about the financial part...."  and immediately afterward Reece started talking about the finances.  Will I ever learn...)  When we were promised that things would be fine financially, I believe it but I certainly didn't expect anything extravagant.  I expected that our needs would be met but that's pretty much it.  And they certainly have been.  I cannot believe how much further our money is stretching.  The paycheck Adam got the week of the brain tumor surgery lasted us an entire month.  I still don't know how that's possible.  People from church keeping trying to do things to help us and when we tell them that we really are doing fine, they don't believe us.  (We have joked that maybe we should make something up because we feel bad when they feel bad that they can't help.)  Just last night I got a phone call asking if they could help us out with our Christmas.  When I told them that we didn't need it and in fact, I had most of our Christmas shopping finished, they were shocked.  They asked me how and I told them, very honestly, that I didn't know but that somehow it all just worked and that we are incredibly blessed.  I don't understand it, I just know that it's working that way. 

Well, today we experienced a Christmas miracle.  When I checked the mail, there was a check from the short-term disability company.  I thought for sure it was an error so I sent Adam a text.  He agreed that it must be a mistake.  I was just going to ignore it because if you cash them and you weren't supposed to have it, you have to pay it all back, which I didn't want to do.  I decided on a whim to call them and find out why we had received it.  The lady that I talked to couldn't understand why I was doubting.  She very politely informed me that even though he's been working full-time, he still gets some benefits because he has been on "light duty" restrictions and it had taken a while for them to receive all the necessary information from Adam's employer so this check was to catch-up everything they owed us.  She assured me that it had been checked by two people and was correct. 

I guess the moral of the story for me is that when the Lord promises you something, you better believe it.  When He says that He will open up the windows of heaven and pour out blessings, He really will.  We are just so incredibly blessed.

How to Cook a Turkey by Paige

(All spelling as written.)

First, by the turkey.

Put water on the turkey.

Next, put stuffing in the turkey.

Last, cook it at 2 degrees for 2 hours.

Yumy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Little things....

You just never know how much a little thing can make a big difference.  I got an email yesterday from a lady that is near and dear to my heart.  It was in reference to something else but she mentioned that she knew I had been going through a lot lately and that she wanted me to know that she had been thinking about me a lot.  I have to admit that it made me cry.  I spent a lot of time with her as a teenager but then we moved and they moved and I haven't had a lot of contact with her since then.  She has always meant a lot to me though and I love that we get to have these people in our lives that have such a tremendous impact, despite being miles apart

Being a perfectionist...

You know what's so frustrating about me?  I always want everything to be perfect.  I'm a total control freak.  I actually drive myself crazy when I realize what I'm up to.  True story.  So it has been with this little blog lately.  I want to write the perfect post about Adam and his recovery and I even started one but it's not perfect so I just haven't been that excited to finish it and post it.  See what I mean? 

I guess the most you need to know right now is that Adam had some complications from the surgery that even his surgeons didn't anticipate.  It resulted in more tests and another trip to Portland... blech.  Basically they told us that nerves are "stupid" and take a long time to heal so things should get better in the next few months.  Super annoying but like I told Adam, we should still be counting our blessings because it could be worse.  The tumor could've been malignant and we could be going through chemo right now or worse, a man I have know almost since we moved to Great Falls when I was a teenager was diagnosed with a brain tumor the same week as Adam, had surgery within a couple of days to remove baseball-sized tumor and died the next week from complications.  His funeral was during our very first trip to Portland for the consult. 

So here's the good:  We are living in our brand-new, beautiful house.  I adore it.  It is amazing to have seen it go from a dream that I spent hours designing on my computer to an actual place.  Yes, it cost us a little more than we'd anticipated BUT we got our appraisal back today and it is worth more than we dreamed, like tens of thousands of dollars more than what we were hoping for.  And we found out that our payment will be about the same as our last house.  Pretty much the best day ever.

We are having a new baby. I think she's gonna be a feisty one. I could be wrong but from the very insistent feelings we both had for months that there was another baby ready to come to our family and come NOW to her constant beating me up on the inside, I just get that feeling. I have thought for a while and other people have said to me that she is going to be healing for our family after everything we've been through. I'm so excited (and nervous) for her to get here!

We have three amazing kids already! We just had parent teacher conferences. Paige is one smart cookie. It doesn't surprise us at all but it is amazing to see where she's at. I hope she always loves school like she does now! She inherited the perfectionism from me. It causes some problems for us because she often has a different version of perfect than we do but I also know that it's a great thing because once she decides that something is a certain way, she doesn't deviate. Porter adores preschool. He is so excited to learn. And he is such a sweet soul. Porter is defnitely the peacemaker in our family. He would much rather that everyone be loving and sweet all the time. His #1 reason for getting out of bed multiple times each night is that I need one more hug and kiss. Sarah is a joy, like 3 year olds are. She just had her birthday and she looked most forward to everyone singing "Happy Birthday to Sarah". She giggled the whole time everyone was singing to her at her party. It was adorable. She is super smart and finally potty trained. It is so nice to not have to change diapers for at least a few months!

That's it for now.  I am going to try to update more regularly... I just have get over myself. :)

Tired...

I am so tired.  (I would say that I've never been so tired before in my life, but I've had 3 newborns so it may not be true.)  I am tired of sitting in the hospital.  I am tired of being away from my kids.  I am tired of eating hospital cafeteria food (even if it is really good).  I am tired of not sleeping in my own bed.  I am tired of doctors.  I am tired of hospital slow motion.  I am tired of my husband going through health problems.  I am tired of him having to have test after test.  (And I know he's more tired of it than I am!)  I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.  How tired do you think you have to get before the Lord finally decides that you have successfully handled a trial and He takes it away?  I certainly don't know. 

Portland - Surgery Day

I have really struggled with writing this post, mostly because I hate writing about things until they are 'complete' and we are nowhere near finished with the ongoings of the surgery but I figure people are curious as to the nitty gritty details so I figured I'd better write it anyway.

Surgery was September 26th.  When we called the Friday before to get his surgery time and when we should show up (as instructed) they told us he would be the second surgery but that he needed an MRI before so we needed to show up at 6:30 a.m.  When we showed up at 6:30 a.m. everyone seemed a little confused as to why we were there so early but they went with it.  We checked in and then headed down to the pre-op area where they directed us to his little curtained area, had him gown up, and then went through all his medical info.  We settled in and watched some TV while we waited.  (As a side note, you should see this place.  I have been in pre-op in Great Falls and it is just a couple of rooms and a nurses station.  This place has 3-4 rooms with 4 curtains in each and tons of nurses milling around.  They are shuffling people in and out of there all day as surgeries proceed.  It's pretty wild.) 

Eventually a nurse and a doctor showed up.  The nurse started his IV and the doctor told us he was there to do some prep work because the surgeons were going to use some special technique on him which required that several spots on his head shaved and special little 'stickers' (they looked sort of like those white hole re-inforcer stickers except made out of foam) applied, then they would do the MRI.  Apparently the way the technique works is that it gives them reference points so that they can guide themselves in to the tumor using some sort of virtual reality.  We got to go with him down to MRI.  I actually peeked around the corner while we were waiting for him and could see the screens.  There was one that showed the actual image and another that was video of him in the tube.  It was the only time that I saw any of his MRIs and I was really surprised to see his tumor situated in the middle of his head.  He got wheeled back to pre-op and we settled in to wait.  At the time we thought he was the 11 a.m. surgery so I figured we had another hour or so before they came to take him back.  It turned out that somebody had miscommunicated and he was the third surgery of the day so we got to sit there and watch him flip through the channels for several more hours.  At one point, I sat on the little rolly stool and laid my head forward on his bed and fell asleep.  Not very comfortable but apparently I was really tired.  Somewhere around 2 p.m. the resident, Dr. Roundy, two med students, 2 OR nurses, and the anesthesia intern showed up.  They all gave us some instruction as to what they would be doing and why they were there.  Dr. Roundy wrote something on his neck, signed some paperwork and they all left.  I have to admit that that was the moment it hit me.  I started to cry a little.  I didn't want to but I totally couldn't help myself.  At about 2:30, the anesthesiologist and the intern came for him.  The waterworks started up again when I hugged him but I saw him wipe away a tear too.

Jo and I decided to leave the hospital for a while after being there for 8 hours already since they had my cell phone number and had told me that we could leave the hospital and they would give us phone updates.  We were starving for lunch so I looked up restaurants on the gps and pretty much the closest one was The Old Spaghetti Factory, which is also one of my very favorites.  It was beautiful and right on the waterfront.  There were only two other groups in the restaurant at the time so we got an amazing table overlooking the river.  It very peaceful and pretty much exactly what I needed to soothe my nerves.  Afterward, Jo wanted to go to IKEA really badly so we got out the trusty gps and headed that way.  I had never been inside an IKEA, though I have drive past one in Germany and in Utah, so it was a completely new experience. We had been wandering around for maybe half an hour when my phone rang.  It was the hospital and before I could get any information, the call dropped.  Apparently IKEA is a cell phone dead zone.  I was so upset.  I started practically running for the exit and let me tell you, IKEA doesn't make that easy.  They want you to stay in the store for hours so way to the exit twists and turns through the entired two levels of warehouse sized store.  When I finally got down by the checkouts, I had service again and a voicemail from the OR nurse letting me know that they were finally starting the surgery and asking if we could return to the hospital to make it easier to give us updates.  (By the way, this was what we had expected as far as surgery timeline because they told us it would probably take an hour to set up all the specialized equipment they were using before they could actually start the surgery.)  We paid for our few items we had picked up and then headed back to the hosptial.  By that time is was some time after 4 p.m. and we got stuck in some traffic heading back into the city, so much so that when they called to give me the update that they had finally reached the tumor, it was two hours after the first phone call (that dropped) and we weren't back to the hospital yet. 

We found our way to the surgery waiting room once back at the hospital.  I read a book while Jo made friends with the people who were sitting by us.  There was one really nice lady whose husband was having a tumor removed from his tongue.  She said it was the second time he'd had cancer on his tongue and they were really worried because he'd already had radiation and the doctors said he couldn't have it a second time because of the damage it does to the tissue.  The other people were a brother and sister whose father had been hit by a truck while riding his bike to work that morning and had a bunch of broken bones and damaged organs.    We ended up watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and then Monday Night Footbal (though I mostly read).  Dr. Roundy finally came in at about 7:45 p.m. to tell us that everything had gone well and they had gotten all of it that they could see.  He said Adam would be in recovery and then have a CT scan before they would take him to the ICU where we could see him but that would probably be in an hour.  Someone called in about an hour and said that they were taking him to CT so we should come down to the ICU waiting area in about 45 minutes and someone would come get us once he was there.  The ICU waiting area was nowhere near as nice as the surgery waiting area and there was a ginormous Hispanic family and a ginormous Muslim family, each taking up about a quarter of the room, and being loud enough for groups twice their size.  We waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and nobody ever came and got us.  At 10:30 p.m., I finally went to the ICU phone and called in to see if he was there yet and he was but we had to wait for his nurse's permission to come in.  (So annoying, although I'm sure in a lot of cases, it's necessary.)  Once we were shown into his room, it was so hard.  He was still fairly out, had a huge bandage behind his left ear, two more IVs than he had gone in with, and bloody spots like a halo around his head from the equipment they had used and apparently screwed in to his skin.  He woke up every few minutes and asked for ice chips but otherwise was completely out until we woke him to tell him we were leaving for the night and his nurse came in to do the hourly neurological check.  When she asked if he had any pain anywhere, he gestured to his heart and said "In here, cause my wife is leaving."  When the nurse asked him to follow her fingers with his eyes, his eyes kept rolling back in his head as he fell back asleep.  Finally he told us he'd been having a dream that the government was crossing beavers and grizzly bears and that they were "unstoppable forces of nature".  I got the giggles so bad at that one.  We told him goodnight and went back to the hotel to get some much needed sleep, though we got locked out of the hotel when we tried to used our room keys to unlock an exterior door and then couldn't get into our room.  Apparently we had been a little too close to the MRI machine that morning and it had de-magnetized our room key cards.  And that pretty much sums up the way the whole day went...

Private

Hey everyone... I've been following the blog stats and am concerned about where some of the viewers are so I am going to switch to private to prevent it.  It's annoying, I know, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.  Email me so that I can add you to the list if you'd like to keep reading.  melissa.hatch@rocketmail.com