Emotional Download

I feel like I need to get  few things off my chest.  This is probably the best way to do so.

First off, I neekd to admit a couple tthings:  I am  perfectionist and I am fairly prideful. I like to be good at things.  Scratch that.  II LOVE to be good at things.  And I hate it when I am not good at something.  HATE IT.  And along with the pride thing, I like to be liked.  So what does a girl like me do when she finds herself in my current situation?  I don't know for sure except that I have thought about it a LOT and this seems like the best outlet.

The first issue is motherhood.  I love my kids.  Sooooo much.  But five kids is kicking my trash. I am always behind on laundry.  I can barely keep up with the dishes.  My house is messier than it's ever been.  And I hate it. I like order.  I like clean.  And I am drowning in chaos.  It is awful.  And it affects me a LOT.    It is embarassing.  I can't invite anyone over because I don't want anyone to see that I can't do it.  But I can't  and it makes me sad.  And I am exhausted ALL.THE.TIME.

Next is church.  Don't get me wrong.  I have a testimony.  I love the gospel.  But most Sundays I come away feeling like I just ran an obstacle course and barely survived.  It's rough.  And my calling as a ward missionary basically requires nothing because there are no meetings, no guidance, no nothing. I miss having something to do and be prepared for.

Extended family is so hard.  And it's not that you don't love everyone because you do.  Everyone has their own families and ways of doing things and when you put that conglomeration of ideas together it gets messy.  Sometimes SUPER messy.  And I admit, I think 90% of the time I am the odd man out.  My whole family lives over 200 miles away.  Most of my inlaws live within 10 miles.  My family gets together without me because of distance.  My inlaws I don't know why we get left out, just that we do.  Does it hurt my feelings?  Yes.  I try not to let it bother me but when we stop by to drop something off and everyone is together and no one invited us, it's hard not to feel slighted.   Maybe they don't like me.  MMaybe they don't like my kids.  I don't know.
 My husband is the best.  He is the hardest working, most awesome man I've ever known.  He loves and adores me.  He works basically three jobs to support our family.   And while I appreciate him and try my best to support him, I can't help but listen to that nagging little voice inside that makes me fear that he won't always be with me.  Two run ins with a brain tumor have made me very, very aware that life is short and there are no guarantees.  It is hard for me to see him sacrifice so much of his time.  And I hate to be away from him.

So there you have it.  I am a total nut job.  I have no answers for any of this.  II just needed to get it off my chest and admit to my shortcomings in search for some inner peace.  And please excuse the typos.  Blogging from a smartphone late at night while rocking a baby stinks....

Women in the Scriptures Giveaway!

So I had a baby and am about a million years behind on blogging but I'll be back, I swear!  In the meantime, maybe you can win this book from my favorite blog:

http://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com/2012/04/christs-gifts-to-women-giveaway.html

If only....

As we were driving in to town to the grocery store, the following conversation took place:

Porter: (Hears song on the radio...)  Mom, this Lady Gaga?
Me:  Nope.  We don't listen to Lady Gaga at our house.
Porter:  Why?
Me:  Cause she does things that Heavenly Father has asked us not to do and I don't like that.
Porter:  She litters???

What a JERK!!

With everything that we have been through this last year, I think I have been reasonably 'tough'.  Converting this construction loan into a conventional mortgage has been ridiculous.  The mortgage company is located in California, land of the million regulations.  We live in Montana, land of almost no regulations.  The California mortgage company kept requesting things that don't happen in Montana, especially in a rural county like ours.  (Things I might mention, I had read all about when we were in the research part of the building process but then was happily surprised we didn't have to worry about.)  It was nit-picky and ridiculous and even our poor loan lady at the bank was getting frustrated.  But.... we finally got it taken care of to the point that they were satisfied and closing was able to take place.  Of course, as the cherry on top, there was one more hiccup the day before closing:  the title company suddenly needed us to come up with six months worth of property taxes.  And it was a LOT of money.  Nobody could figure out why in the world it was so much but we got it taken care of, only to find out during closing that the state still showed our little subdivided piece as part of the whole ranch so the amount of taxes was half a year on the whole ranch!!  And the kicker was that my sweet mother in law had already paid all, I repeat ALL, of next year's taxes so there weren't any due.  UGG.  Anyway... all the paperwork was signed and the loan funded when the lady from the bank called me.  The title company that they had used during the construction process had a problem with the access to the property.  When we had surveyed our parcel off over a year ago, we had been surprised to find that the piece we were going to use as an easement was actually the former county road and was still owned by the county so no easement was necessary.  The county planner was good with it.  The State of Montana was good with it.  Easy peasy.  But this title company decided they had a problem anad would not 'insure' access to the property.  Our awesome bank lady gave them a copy of the survey showing it but they still didn't care.  She called me and explained it to me and suggested that maybe I call and talk to this man.  So I did.  I asked him how we needed to resolve this.  He said that we needed to go back to the lawyer and have my mother in law grant us an easement on the 30 feet of county road that runs through her place.  I asked how it was possible for her to legally grant us an easement on property that doesn't legally belong to her.  He informed me that he didn't have time to educate me on all the legalities.  I also asked how it was possible that we have gone through all the things we've gone through and that this had never been a problem before.  He said that it had been on the title policy they had issued us from the very beginning and that it wasn't his problem that nobody bothered to read their policy.  (Issued "us"?????  The bank took out the policy not us.)  It continued this way for several minutes.  Everything I asked, he responded in a way that implied that I was an idiot and far beneath his well-educated self.  He said the only way to resolve it at all would be to do as he said and go through the legal process of the easement.  Well, let's just say that doesn't sit too well with this 9 months pregnant woman who has been through medical drama, surprise legal fees and documents, and has another impending medical bill.  The last thing I need is another stupid bill.  (Lawyers are NOT cheap.  I can hear the ka-ching, ka-ching just thinking about it.)  Well, I lost it.  I started crying to the point that I couldn't talk.  After several minutes of silence, he asked if I was still there.  I choked out that I was trying to compose myself, at which point, my 3 year old climbed on my lap and started asking "Why you sad Mommy?  Why you crying?"  He finally said that he had to go because someone was waiting for him and he didn't have time for this but to call him if I had any more questions. 

Yeah, right.... 

The Year in Review

I sorta missed blogging in December.... whoops!  It has been a busy month between Christmas preparations, a niece's baptism, finally closing on our mortgage, and having all of Adam's siblings in town, not to mention getting ready for a new baby.  I haven't felt frantic but it definitely has kept me going!  As I was laying awake one of the many times last night (I am up because I'm pregnant and Adam got called in and was gone all night.  I don't sleep well without him.  Maybe we need a dog...) I was thinking about the ending of this year and everything we've been through....

January - Adam turned 33.  I spent the month not feeling well only to suffer the devastating heartbreak of an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy.  The surgery left me with physical and emotional scars but also provided me with an amazing opportunity to get closer to the Lord, since He is the only one who could truly understand my loss.

February - Porter turned 4 and my parents were kind enough to come up and help us celebrate, including my sweet mother making his Spiderman birthday cake since I was only a handful of days after surgery.  We spent the end of February and beginning of March in the "Happiest Place on Earth" a.k.a Disneyland with all of my family.  It was so fun to take the kids and see their reaction.  I love Disney.  I wish we could afford to go every year!

March - Paige turned 6.  And we finally got our construction loan for the house on the 29th, giving us 9 months til December 29th to finish the house and convert to a conventional mortgage.

April - We finally broke ground on the house mid-month.  I've never been so excited to see a hole in the ground in my life! 

May - Framing on the house started.  I turned 32, then found out the next day that a new baby was on the way!  We got the walls up and then it rained, and rained, and rained, and rained....  We were terrified that the lumber would be ruined!

June - I got to go to Billings for the weekend and spend time garage saling and then going to my sis in law Tove's gigantic dance production.  When I got back the trusses were up and the sheathing was on the roof.  It looked like a real house!  That was an amazing change!  Windows and doors went in, roofing and siding went on...  That was really fun to see the changes!  I also started to panic that the living room/kitchen/dining room weren't big enough....

July - We celebrated the 4th by going to the parade in Choteau and then wiring the house the rest of the day.  It was so hot and I wanted to die.  We spent most of July wiring, siding, and working on soffit and fascia.  The well was dug in July too.  The well witcher told us 80 ft.  We hit good water at 183.  Whoops.

August - We finished wiring and got the house insulated.  Then it was time for the sheetrockers.  It was glorious to not have to sheetrock and mud and tape ourselves.  In the meantime, my awesome friend Heidi helped me paint the cabinetry for the laundry/mudroom and the kids' bathroom.  It was fair bit of work but such a huge saving in $$$.  We go to Billings for my uncle's wedding reception and celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary with a trip to DQ.  Adam suffers health problems all month, including a seizure.  Tests finally reveal the brain tumor, which we find out about on August 23rd.  Life kicks up into hyper-drive.  That weekend following the diagnosis, approximately 30 people show up to work on the house.  People bring food, watch kids, paint, lay flooring, install outlets, lay tile, hang doors, put up trim, hang lights, install bathroom cabinetry and more.  We have never felt so blessed in spite of everything. 

September - Work continues on the house.  People sacrifice so much for us.  On the 6th, we find out that the new baby is a girl.  Adam can't believe it.  They even check a second time just to be sure and she's still a girl.  :)  On the 9th we go to Portland for Adam's initial consult.  The drive is brutal but the neurosurgeon is wonderful.  Surgery is scheduled for the 26th.  Work continues and people keep doing so much for us.  The house is finished and we move in on the 23rd/24th, which is miraculous because our inital goal was mid-October.  Adam, Jo, and I leave for Portland on the 25th.  The kids go to stay with my family in Billings while we're gone.  Surgery happens the 26th.  Everything goes well and so recovery starts.  I discover that my husband doesn't handle anesthesia very well.  He is finally released on Thursday the 29th.  We leave Portland with the goal of making it to Jodie's house near Spokane.  Adam gets incredibly sick near the tri-cities in Washington.  We think it's just a reaction to the meds.  We stay the night at Jodie's and drive the rest of the way on Friday.  We make it home late afternoon and the kids come home a couple of hours later.  I discover that it is incredibly stressful to take care of my children and my recovering husband at the same time.  We eventually discover that a huge part of Adam's problem is the pain meds.  They make him super nauseous and sick.

October - Recovery continues.  As Adam gets better and starts to get his appetite back, he starts gagging/choking on almost everything he eats.  It freaks me out but he says it's nothing.  We give it a little time but finally call the doctor.  They order some tests, Portland gets involved and orders more tests and a visit to an ENT doctor in Great Falls, where we are told that we have to get back to Portland asap.  We leave the kids with Adam's family this time and leave within a couple of hours.  Reece comes to give Adam a blessing before we leave and we are told to trust the doc's and not worry about finances.  We end up back in Portland from Saturday til Wednesday.  They discover that half of his throat and vocal cords aren't working.  They don't know why exactly but guess that it's from swelling from the tumor removal since the nerve the tumor was on and the nerve that controls that side of the throat are next door neighbors.  Part of everything he eats and drinks is going into his lungs.  They are terrified that he is going to get aspiration pneumonia so they take him off all food and drink and give him an IV.  They end up doing a procedure to inject his left vocal cord to help it fill it's half and inserting a feeding tube to allow him to get nutrition and bypass the throat.  He hates it.  I hate it. It's probably the darkest, hardest part of the everything we've been through.  We argue, cry, and have breakdowns.  It is awful.  We are glad to finally come home, with another overnight stop at Jodie's.  He ends up missing that entire week of work, when he had finally had his first day back.  They allow him to go back the next Monday with some restrictions.  He is doing computer work and it is mind-numbingly boring.  We get to celebrate Halloween.  Paige is a pretty witch, Porter is Captain American, and Sarah is Tinkerbell. 

November - Adam starts speech therapy to help his throat get better.  We have high hopes that he'll make lots of progress before Thanksgiving!  I attend Paige's parent-teacher conference.  They tell me that she's reading like a super start and is a joy to have in class.  I am not surprised but still so glad to hear it!  Sarah turns 3.  I attempt my first stacked cake.  It actually works but it's waaaay more cake than we needed!  Thanksgiving comes and Adam eats anyway, while we all pretend we don't see it.  We have more to be thankful for than ever this year and still have more blessings coming our way than we feel we deserve!

December - We finally get our wood stove after much trial and tribulation.  Adam has another swallow study which shows some improvement.  We get to go to Billings for our niece's baptism.  We also have 'Christmas' with my family while we're there.  I do most of my Christmas shopping online and it's glorious.  All of Adam's familiy comes into town and we have family pictures and a mini 'Christmas' with everyone.  It is wild and crazy but so fun to have everyone together.  In spite of our refusal of help, people give us gifts and money for Christmas anyway.  The bishop says that it's a sign of what good people we are and how we've lived our lives.  I appreciate that but we have been so, so, so, so blessed that we honestly and truly didn't need help for Christmas!  The strangest one is when the Sheriff pulls into our driveway.  We start to panic.  He comes to the door with a garbage bag with gifts for the girls, including the baby.  He says it's a "Rudolph Run".  Some sweet person in the community submitted the kids' names for gifts but doesn't know us well enough to know we had a boy too.  :)  Now we are just getting ready for this new baby to join our family.  I just know that she is going to be a huge blessing.  I know they always are but I feel like the Lord knew we needed this gift of joy after everything we've been through!

Now we are just hoping for a peaceful, blessed, glorious New Year.  Hopefully it will bring a lot of health, healing, and joy!  Thank you to everyone who has helped us and prayed for us.  We could not have done it without you.  It is an amazingly powerful thing to be the recipents of so much love and faith.  I always thought it was slightly strange when I heard someone say "I could feel everyone's prayers" but now I know that it really happens.  I don't wish hardship on anyone but everyone should have an opportunity to have such an experience.  I wish you all the best in 2012!

Wow

Everyone knows we've been through a rough patch lately.  Adam and I were talking about it the other night.  I said "It's been a rough three months.."  He said, "You mean six."  To which I replied, "No, we only found out about the brain tumor three months ago."  He answered, "No, I've been feeling crappy for six months."  I was surprised at that, "What do you mean?"  He said, "I was having the headaches for three months before they diagnosed it.  But who keeps having headaches and automatically thinks brain tumor??"  I replied, "Lots of people.  Lots of people who have constant headaches start thinking brain tumor."  Seriously.  Only someone who's been through as much crap as he has would think that way.  (Love you honey.)

Part of the deal of going through all this is that he's had a few priesthood blessings.  The first one was before the diagnosis which I detailed in the post where I told all about being diagnosed.  We knew Adam was going to be okay.  I have to admit that I didn't doubt that.  I did worry about exactly what the Lord meant by 'okay' but I didn't worry that he would die.  When we had to rush back to Portland due to complications, Adam got another blessing.  Again, he was told to trust the doctors. (which he often counters with "Well, which doctors.  They all said different things.")  He was also promised that the Lord would take care of us financially.  (Funny story about that... During the blessing, which was fairly detailed, all kinds of things were covered and I actually had the thought, "Well, ya forgot about the financial part...."  and immediately afterward Reece started talking about the finances.  Will I ever learn...)  When we were promised that things would be fine financially, I believe it but I certainly didn't expect anything extravagant.  I expected that our needs would be met but that's pretty much it.  And they certainly have been.  I cannot believe how much further our money is stretching.  The paycheck Adam got the week of the brain tumor surgery lasted us an entire month.  I still don't know how that's possible.  People from church keeping trying to do things to help us and when we tell them that we really are doing fine, they don't believe us.  (We have joked that maybe we should make something up because we feel bad when they feel bad that they can't help.)  Just last night I got a phone call asking if they could help us out with our Christmas.  When I told them that we didn't need it and in fact, I had most of our Christmas shopping finished, they were shocked.  They asked me how and I told them, very honestly, that I didn't know but that somehow it all just worked and that we are incredibly blessed.  I don't understand it, I just know that it's working that way. 

Well, today we experienced a Christmas miracle.  When I checked the mail, there was a check from the short-term disability company.  I thought for sure it was an error so I sent Adam a text.  He agreed that it must be a mistake.  I was just going to ignore it because if you cash them and you weren't supposed to have it, you have to pay it all back, which I didn't want to do.  I decided on a whim to call them and find out why we had received it.  The lady that I talked to couldn't understand why I was doubting.  She very politely informed me that even though he's been working full-time, he still gets some benefits because he has been on "light duty" restrictions and it had taken a while for them to receive all the necessary information from Adam's employer so this check was to catch-up everything they owed us.  She assured me that it had been checked by two people and was correct. 

I guess the moral of the story for me is that when the Lord promises you something, you better believe it.  When He says that He will open up the windows of heaven and pour out blessings, He really will.  We are just so incredibly blessed.

How to Cook a Turkey by Paige

(All spelling as written.)

First, by the turkey.

Put water on the turkey.

Next, put stuffing in the turkey.

Last, cook it at 2 degrees for 2 hours.

Yumy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Little things....

You just never know how much a little thing can make a big difference.  I got an email yesterday from a lady that is near and dear to my heart.  It was in reference to something else but she mentioned that she knew I had been going through a lot lately and that she wanted me to know that she had been thinking about me a lot.  I have to admit that it made me cry.  I spent a lot of time with her as a teenager but then we moved and they moved and I haven't had a lot of contact with her since then.  She has always meant a lot to me though and I love that we get to have these people in our lives that have such a tremendous impact, despite being miles apart

Being a perfectionist...

You know what's so frustrating about me?  I always want everything to be perfect.  I'm a total control freak.  I actually drive myself crazy when I realize what I'm up to.  True story.  So it has been with this little blog lately.  I want to write the perfect post about Adam and his recovery and I even started one but it's not perfect so I just haven't been that excited to finish it and post it.  See what I mean? 

I guess the most you need to know right now is that Adam had some complications from the surgery that even his surgeons didn't anticipate.  It resulted in more tests and another trip to Portland... blech.  Basically they told us that nerves are "stupid" and take a long time to heal so things should get better in the next few months.  Super annoying but like I told Adam, we should still be counting our blessings because it could be worse.  The tumor could've been malignant and we could be going through chemo right now or worse, a man I have know almost since we moved to Great Falls when I was a teenager was diagnosed with a brain tumor the same week as Adam, had surgery within a couple of days to remove baseball-sized tumor and died the next week from complications.  His funeral was during our very first trip to Portland for the consult. 

So here's the good:  We are living in our brand-new, beautiful house.  I adore it.  It is amazing to have seen it go from a dream that I spent hours designing on my computer to an actual place.  Yes, it cost us a little more than we'd anticipated BUT we got our appraisal back today and it is worth more than we dreamed, like tens of thousands of dollars more than what we were hoping for.  And we found out that our payment will be about the same as our last house.  Pretty much the best day ever.

We are having a new baby. I think she's gonna be a feisty one. I could be wrong but from the very insistent feelings we both had for months that there was another baby ready to come to our family and come NOW to her constant beating me up on the inside, I just get that feeling. I have thought for a while and other people have said to me that she is going to be healing for our family after everything we've been through. I'm so excited (and nervous) for her to get here!

We have three amazing kids already! We just had parent teacher conferences. Paige is one smart cookie. It doesn't surprise us at all but it is amazing to see where she's at. I hope she always loves school like she does now! She inherited the perfectionism from me. It causes some problems for us because she often has a different version of perfect than we do but I also know that it's a great thing because once she decides that something is a certain way, she doesn't deviate. Porter adores preschool. He is so excited to learn. And he is such a sweet soul. Porter is defnitely the peacemaker in our family. He would much rather that everyone be loving and sweet all the time. His #1 reason for getting out of bed multiple times each night is that I need one more hug and kiss. Sarah is a joy, like 3 year olds are. She just had her birthday and she looked most forward to everyone singing "Happy Birthday to Sarah". She giggled the whole time everyone was singing to her at her party. It was adorable. She is super smart and finally potty trained. It is so nice to not have to change diapers for at least a few months!

That's it for now.  I am going to try to update more regularly... I just have get over myself. :)

Tired...

I am so tired.  (I would say that I've never been so tired before in my life, but I've had 3 newborns so it may not be true.)  I am tired of sitting in the hospital.  I am tired of being away from my kids.  I am tired of eating hospital cafeteria food (even if it is really good).  I am tired of not sleeping in my own bed.  I am tired of doctors.  I am tired of hospital slow motion.  I am tired of my husband going through health problems.  I am tired of him having to have test after test.  (And I know he's more tired of it than I am!)  I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.  How tired do you think you have to get before the Lord finally decides that you have successfully handled a trial and He takes it away?  I certainly don't know. 

Portland - Surgery Day

I have really struggled with writing this post, mostly because I hate writing about things until they are 'complete' and we are nowhere near finished with the ongoings of the surgery but I figure people are curious as to the nitty gritty details so I figured I'd better write it anyway.

Surgery was September 26th.  When we called the Friday before to get his surgery time and when we should show up (as instructed) they told us he would be the second surgery but that he needed an MRI before so we needed to show up at 6:30 a.m.  When we showed up at 6:30 a.m. everyone seemed a little confused as to why we were there so early but they went with it.  We checked in and then headed down to the pre-op area where they directed us to his little curtained area, had him gown up, and then went through all his medical info.  We settled in and watched some TV while we waited.  (As a side note, you should see this place.  I have been in pre-op in Great Falls and it is just a couple of rooms and a nurses station.  This place has 3-4 rooms with 4 curtains in each and tons of nurses milling around.  They are shuffling people in and out of there all day as surgeries proceed.  It's pretty wild.) 

Eventually a nurse and a doctor showed up.  The nurse started his IV and the doctor told us he was there to do some prep work because the surgeons were going to use some special technique on him which required that several spots on his head shaved and special little 'stickers' (they looked sort of like those white hole re-inforcer stickers except made out of foam) applied, then they would do the MRI.  Apparently the way the technique works is that it gives them reference points so that they can guide themselves in to the tumor using some sort of virtual reality.  We got to go with him down to MRI.  I actually peeked around the corner while we were waiting for him and could see the screens.  There was one that showed the actual image and another that was video of him in the tube.  It was the only time that I saw any of his MRIs and I was really surprised to see his tumor situated in the middle of his head.  He got wheeled back to pre-op and we settled in to wait.  At the time we thought he was the 11 a.m. surgery so I figured we had another hour or so before they came to take him back.  It turned out that somebody had miscommunicated and he was the third surgery of the day so we got to sit there and watch him flip through the channels for several more hours.  At one point, I sat on the little rolly stool and laid my head forward on his bed and fell asleep.  Not very comfortable but apparently I was really tired.  Somewhere around 2 p.m. the resident, Dr. Roundy, two med students, 2 OR nurses, and the anesthesia intern showed up.  They all gave us some instruction as to what they would be doing and why they were there.  Dr. Roundy wrote something on his neck, signed some paperwork and they all left.  I have to admit that that was the moment it hit me.  I started to cry a little.  I didn't want to but I totally couldn't help myself.  At about 2:30, the anesthesiologist and the intern came for him.  The waterworks started up again when I hugged him but I saw him wipe away a tear too.

Jo and I decided to leave the hospital for a while after being there for 8 hours already since they had my cell phone number and had told me that we could leave the hospital and they would give us phone updates.  We were starving for lunch so I looked up restaurants on the gps and pretty much the closest one was The Old Spaghetti Factory, which is also one of my very favorites.  It was beautiful and right on the waterfront.  There were only two other groups in the restaurant at the time so we got an amazing table overlooking the river.  It very peaceful and pretty much exactly what I needed to soothe my nerves.  Afterward, Jo wanted to go to IKEA really badly so we got out the trusty gps and headed that way.  I had never been inside an IKEA, though I have drive past one in Germany and in Utah, so it was a completely new experience. We had been wandering around for maybe half an hour when my phone rang.  It was the hospital and before I could get any information, the call dropped.  Apparently IKEA is a cell phone dead zone.  I was so upset.  I started practically running for the exit and let me tell you, IKEA doesn't make that easy.  They want you to stay in the store for hours so way to the exit twists and turns through the entired two levels of warehouse sized store.  When I finally got down by the checkouts, I had service again and a voicemail from the OR nurse letting me know that they were finally starting the surgery and asking if we could return to the hospital to make it easier to give us updates.  (By the way, this was what we had expected as far as surgery timeline because they told us it would probably take an hour to set up all the specialized equipment they were using before they could actually start the surgery.)  We paid for our few items we had picked up and then headed back to the hosptial.  By that time is was some time after 4 p.m. and we got stuck in some traffic heading back into the city, so much so that when they called to give me the update that they had finally reached the tumor, it was two hours after the first phone call (that dropped) and we weren't back to the hospital yet. 

We found our way to the surgery waiting room once back at the hospital.  I read a book while Jo made friends with the people who were sitting by us.  There was one really nice lady whose husband was having a tumor removed from his tongue.  She said it was the second time he'd had cancer on his tongue and they were really worried because he'd already had radiation and the doctors said he couldn't have it a second time because of the damage it does to the tissue.  The other people were a brother and sister whose father had been hit by a truck while riding his bike to work that morning and had a bunch of broken bones and damaged organs.    We ended up watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and then Monday Night Footbal (though I mostly read).  Dr. Roundy finally came in at about 7:45 p.m. to tell us that everything had gone well and they had gotten all of it that they could see.  He said Adam would be in recovery and then have a CT scan before they would take him to the ICU where we could see him but that would probably be in an hour.  Someone called in about an hour and said that they were taking him to CT so we should come down to the ICU waiting area in about 45 minutes and someone would come get us once he was there.  The ICU waiting area was nowhere near as nice as the surgery waiting area and there was a ginormous Hispanic family and a ginormous Muslim family, each taking up about a quarter of the room, and being loud enough for groups twice their size.  We waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and nobody ever came and got us.  At 10:30 p.m., I finally went to the ICU phone and called in to see if he was there yet and he was but we had to wait for his nurse's permission to come in.  (So annoying, although I'm sure in a lot of cases, it's necessary.)  Once we were shown into his room, it was so hard.  He was still fairly out, had a huge bandage behind his left ear, two more IVs than he had gone in with, and bloody spots like a halo around his head from the equipment they had used and apparently screwed in to his skin.  He woke up every few minutes and asked for ice chips but otherwise was completely out until we woke him to tell him we were leaving for the night and his nurse came in to do the hourly neurological check.  When she asked if he had any pain anywhere, he gestured to his heart and said "In here, cause my wife is leaving."  When the nurse asked him to follow her fingers with his eyes, his eyes kept rolling back in his head as he fell back asleep.  Finally he told us he'd been having a dream that the government was crossing beavers and grizzly bears and that they were "unstoppable forces of nature".  I got the giggles so bad at that one.  We told him goodnight and went back to the hotel to get some much needed sleep, though we got locked out of the hotel when we tried to used our room keys to unlock an exterior door and then couldn't get into our room.  Apparently we had been a little too close to the MRI machine that morning and it had de-magnetized our room key cards.  And that pretty much sums up the way the whole day went...

Private

Hey everyone... I've been following the blog stats and am concerned about where some of the viewers are so I am going to switch to private to prevent it.  It's annoying, I know, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.  Email me so that I can add you to the list if you'd like to keep reading.  melissa.hatch@rocketmail.com

Construction Update

I don't have much time but I feel bad when I don't keep everyone updated.  The house is almost done!  All the electrical and plumbing are finished.  We finally have running water!  Hooray!  We started the moving in process yesterday.  Only 2 Suburban loads by me, and a truck load by Adam and Mark (Thank Mark!) but it was still a start.  I am hoping to get lots more done today.  I feel like I need a giant shot of adrenaline to get it all done and make this final push.  (It would be SOOO nice if I could just wiggle my nose and wish it all from one house to other like on "I Dream of Jeannie"....sigh)  I will try to take some pictures before we head to Portland since I will have lots of time to sit and find something to do.  Then I can make a virtual tour for all of you.  Wouldn't that be cool??  Adam isn't complaining about how he feels but he will tell me when I ask that he's not feeling great.  Mostly he just tells me he has "brain pain".  I know surgery isn't going to feel great but I am guessing he'll feel so much relief after having that pressure removed, at least I hope so!  Our ward asked everyone to fast for him this Sunday so if anyone would like to join in, we could certainly use your faith and prayers.  Thank you to everyone who is STILL sacrificing so much time and energy to help us, especially my mother in law.  She has been so great at helping with the kids, helping us stay fed, and giving us a few minutes of normalcy.  Also, a huge thank you to the local businesses who have given us checks to help with expenses.  I cried so hard I lost a contact when I opened my mail the other day.  You are angels.  I can't believe the blessing of living in a small town.  The best people in the world live here.

Portland - Take 1

Let me just start by saying that I am exhausted. We were gone for 48 hours and spent roughly half of them driving.

- We rented a car to go, hoping for something more economical than my lovely Suburban. We ended up with a Nissan Rogue. It got 26 miles to the gallon. I guess not everyone's idea of 'economy car' is the same. (It was still better than the 'burb I suppose but I have gotten up to 24 mpg with it so only a slight trade up in my opinion.) We left Fairfield shortly after 5 a.m. on Thursday morning.

-You know we got an early start on the day when Adam saw the first sign for the $50,000 Silver Dollar Bar and asked if I wanted to stop there for lunch so I could walk around for a while, then looked at the clock and realized it was just after 10 a.m. so lunch might not be appropriate yet. :)

-Scariest bathroom award goes to the Flying J at the junction of US-395 and Highway 26 in Eastern Washington. After we got back in the car, Adam said "Are we on an Indian Reservation and don't know it????"

-I may or may not have had to pee every 100 miles. Traveling with a pregnant woman is possibly worse than with a child.

-The tree farm west of Umatilla is awesome.

-The Umatilla Army Depot is perplexing. It goes on for miles.

-Hydroelectric dams on the Columbia make dams in Montana look pathetic.

-The Columbia River Gorge = breathtaking.

-Arriving in Portland at 5:15 p.m. on a Thursday = not awesome rush hour traffic. Staying in a hotel right in downtown Portland = you get out of it really soon.

-Downtown Portland is a maze of one way streets. If you're really lucky, the gps will constantly tell you to turn the wrong way down them, making you 15 minutes late for your appointment with the neurosurgeon.

-Visiting the Portland Temple and OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) is a great way to spend your morning. OMSI sounds really grown-up. OMSI really is more kid oriented. It should come with a warning label.

-Being seen at the clinic attached to a medical school means you will be seen by 15 people during your visit there. Our medical student was awkward. Her resident was down to business. The 'real' neurosurgeon was fantastic - said he had been waiting for Adam. (Nice to know he's not just a name on the paper but maybe I should be concerned that he made that much of an impression?) We also saw a nurse and the surgery scheduler then got sent down to the pre-operative medicine clinic where we saw a CNA, had bloodwork done, and then met with a nurse practitioner who explained everything about the surgery and surgical prep we needed to do. In all, I think we were at the clinic for 2.5 hours.

-Surgery is scheduled for the 26th. They said the prognosis is very good and that where the tumor is they won't even have to touch the brain.

-The drive home was relatively uneventful. I drove through a good chunk of Washington, all of Idaho and into Montana while Adam slept. I listened to 'Persuasion' by Jane Austen which kept me thoroughly entertained and bored Adam to sleep.

-We finally got home at 5 a.m. Now I get to rest up to do it again in two weeks.

Cause we weren't busy enough already....

Some of you know by now that Adam has been having some health problems. Several weeks ago he started complaining about bad pain in his ear and a headache so he went to the doctor, they diagnosed an ear infection and prescribed antibiotics. A couple days later the pain was so bad that he couldn't sleep and then his tongue started going numb. He went to the ER one night after a call-in and they told him that they weren't sure but that they thought it was the onset of Bell's Palsy. (Which I, for the record, thought was crap because Bell's Palsy is really rapid onset and causes facial paralysis, and he didn't have any problems except his tongue.) They prescribed the stuff for Bell's Palsy but told him not to fill them, just follow up with his regular doctor. So, off we went the next day to see his regular MD. He looked at Adam and had him do all these motor control tests, which he passed, and said that he didn't think it was Bell's Palsy but that the ear infection could be pushing on his nerve so he told him to take a steroid for 5 days to reduce the swelling and see how it went. Adam did feel better for the few days he was on the steroid but as soon as he stopped taking it, the headache came back while the tongue numbness never went away. The following Monday I woke up at 5 a.m. because the bed was shaking and looked over to see Adam having a seizure. It lasted for a minute or so and then immediately after, he woke up and asked me why I looked so upset. When I told him he'd just had a seizure, he informed me that I was full of crap and that it was just a bad dream. He left to work on the house later that morning and when I got to his mom's house, I went to talk to his sister Jodie, who is a nurse, about what I had seen that morning. She confirmed my suspicion that it was a seizure and then we all pretty much proceeded to freak out from there. Jodie's husband Mike and a man from church came out to give Adam a priesthood blessing. In it, Adam was told that he was given this trial to help him remember that he didn't have to do it all on his own, that he needed to remember to rely on his friends and family and also on Heavenly Father, that he also needed to trust the medical professionals, and in the end was promised that through his faith he would be made whole. (Adam says it's the first blessing he's ever had where he felt like the Lord was chewing him out.) We left afterward and went to see his regular MD, who sent us immediately to the ER where we sat for 6 hours. We were lucky enough to go during an afternoon when there were two serious head-on collisions so we were relatively low priority. He finally had a CT scan, which the doctor said was clear of brain tumors or bleeding on the brain and that we could go but that Adam needed to follow up with a neurologist because they still couldn't explain why he'd had the seizure. He went the neurologist two days later and and an EEG and MRI were ordered, one the next week and one the week after that. (FYI, sitting in the MRI waiting room for 45 minutes with 3 kids is enough to drive anyone mad.) A week ago, which was the afternoon after the MRI, the neurologist called Adam with his results. He has a benign brain tumor. It is small and not life threatening but that it needs to come out before it does any more damage but we probably have about 30 days. Also, that the neurosurgeons here won't do the surgery so we need to go to Portland or Seattle. When Adam came to tell me, I was painting cabinets in the garage and I could see that he was upset (totally unlike him for those that don't know him). When he told me, we both cried. I had a million questions that he couldn't answer so he called the neurologist back and they scheduled us an appointment for Monday, August 29th to answer any questions. (Adam's nurse sisters are not impressed that the doctor just called us with that news and left it at that. Didn't tell us location, what kind of tumor or anything.) Then I told him that we needed to go tell his mother. After that we basically knew that our life had to move into fast forward because we needed to finish the house and close on the loan before he had surgery. It has been a miracle. Last Tuesday the drywall crew was texturing. Today it has been primed and painted. 3/4 of the flooring is in. All cabinets are in. Probably 2/3 of the trim is done. All the windows are cased. 90% of the doors are hung. Some light fixtures are in. The trench for the water line is dug. Septic will be finished today or tomorrow. The fireplace has been tiled. It is astonishing to see the sacrifices people are making for us. All of Adam's family that is local has basically lived out there working. My parents, sister and brother and their spouses and kids were here all weekend. Our friends have spent countless hours. People have brought in meals, helped clean my little rental house, and done all my laundry. Some friends of my sister came all the way from Billings for the weekend when they heard the news, even though they had only met me once. They knew there was a need so they came. The biggest miracle of it is that the husband does floors for a living and they showed up exactly when we needed someone to help install a bunch of flooring. We feel so blessed. We had our Q & A with the neurologist yesterday. While he couldn't answer a lot of our questions, because they were about the surgery, he did let us know that it is a trigeminal schwannoma, meaning that it's a tumor of the covering on the nerve that controls Adam's tongue. The nerve has been damaged so he may always have the problems with his tongue. It is also very uncommon so that's why they are sending us to Portland. There is a surgeon there that specializes in tumors in this area of the brain and he does about 400 of them a year. We have to be in Portland next week for our inital consult and then we will schedule the surgery. I feel like he's going to be in very good hands. And we are lucky that is minimally invasive as far as brain surgery goes and that the recovery time is not long. Thanks to everyone who is doing so much for us and I will try to keep you posted!

The stork?

So expecting another little one is fodder for a lot of conversations with my kids. They are finally at an age where they realize that babies don't just magically show up (dang it...) so they've been asking lots of questions. On the way home last night, Paige asked how in the world the baby comes out your butt. I tried not to laugh and then gently explained that they don't come out of your butt. Well, then they wanted to know how it worked so I gave them a very brief but honest explanation of labor and delivery. Sarah piped up from the back and told me that her tummy is fat but it doesn't have a baby in it. Porter told me that he has to grow up and find a girl so he can get married and have babies. Paige chimed in that that is just how it works... you grow up, find someone to marry, and then a couple years later you are pregnant. Porter then responded that his wife would have to have the baby because boys can't. Paige replied, "No, boys can't have babies.....That's just unnatural!!"

Oh they crack me up!

Construction Update

I don't really have any pictures to show you, because honestly, wiring doesn't make a house look that different. There is insulation now and that is super exciting. It's already so much cooler in the house and only the walls are insulated. I can't wait to see how awesome it is once the attic is insulated too! The sheetrockers start Monday. I'm so excited!!!! It's going to look like a real house!! They expect it to take them 3 days to hang all the sheetrock and 5-6 days to mud, tape and texture.

My latest dilemma is picking out a paint color. I am discovering that it is a lot harder to pick a paint color when the room basically doesn't exist. How in the world am I supposed to figure out how to coordinate everything when it's not there? (If you have suggestions, I am willing to listen. The floors will be brown (country pine vinyl plank), the cabinets are Rustic Alder in a toffee colored stain with chocolate glaze, and the countertops/wood stove base will be tile that is mostly a medium gray with veins of white and occasional splotches of a rust color. Oh, and the trim and doors are knotty alder too.) I am leaning toward something light because I don't want the room to be oppressive.

I am hoping to go buy the laundry/mud room cabinets on Monday so that my friends and I can paint, distress, and stain them while the sheetrockers are working. Once the sheetrockers are done, then it becomes my responsibility to do all the painting. (Wish me luck...)

Adam has been having some health problems lately. We know it's nothing life threatening now, but still nothing conclusive. He has a couple more tests in the next weeks so any extra prayers would be really appreciated. I think it's mostly from lack of sleep and tons of stress. When I asked him if he was feeling more stressed than usual, his response was "No. It's totally normal to be on-call all the time, not sleeping, building a house, and providing for a wife and four kids."

So do you remember the story about the little boy who was throwing the star fish back in the ocean? And the man came along and asked him why he was doing it, because he couldn't save all of them. The little boy replied, "It mattered to that one." I have been thinking about that this week. We had a meeting (the YW presidency) with the Bishopric last Sunday. The YW president was sharing a concern she had about taking an inactive girl to a huge bi-stake activity this coming weekend. We had a general concern about taking her to something so large with so many people in another town and trying to keep track of her. The bishop's response was this: For his son, whether or not he went to the activity was no big deal. He was going to be at church on Sunday no matter what. One activity wasn't going to make or break his testimony. But, with this girl, this activity may be just what she needs to have a good experience and start a foundation of a testimony. It would be worth whatever sacrifice that we might need to make to help that girl. Because it matters to that one. He is a very wise man.

On a parting note, something funny. My kids have been on a roll lately. They were picking up DVDs the other day, when one of them grabbed Pinnochio. One of the older kids said, "Oh, this movie is so funny!" Then Sarah piped up and said "That whale is NOT funny!!!!" :)

Kid Funnies

While watching the 1967 Spiderman on Netflix:
Porter: Mom, see that guy, he's a villain. Know what's a villain?
Me: Yep, a bad guy.
Porter: Yep, a guy who doesn't listen to Jesus.

While 'reading' a Care Bears picture book:
Sarah: Mom, what bears eat?
Me: Love
Sarah: NO, SHERBERT!!!!!

While showing me a dead bug:
Sarah: Where's the bugga's mommy??
Me: I don't know. Where's your mama?
Sarah: Right dere (there with a d as she points to me)
Me: Are you sure?
Sarah: Positoony!

While loading up in the car, Sarah buckled her two baby dolls in the seat next to her, then proceeded to have the following conversation:
Sarah, as the baby doll: Thank you mommy.
Sarah, as the mommy: You're welcome honey.
Sarah, as the doll: I love you mommy.
Sarah, as the mommy: I love you too honey. (Kisses doll's forehead)

The one with the lobster

I have to admit that I am not the world's biggest "Friends" fan, though I did watch some back in the day. I am really just not one who gets obsessive about TV shows (unless it's a great season of Dancing with the Stars.... and even then it's usually watching on Hulu when I get around to it).

Back when I was in college, though, "Friends" was the thing. My roommates used to watch the re-runs that came on nightly after the evening news. (I wonder now if it was a way a living vicariously through the characters because our apartment had particularly sorry dating lives.... ) I always found it hilarious that each episode of Friends is titled "The one where....(fill in the blank) " because that's exactly how people talk about TV episodes.

My favorite episode of "Friends" happens to be the one with the lobster. I'm not exactly sure that's the official episode name and I don't remember the complete plot, even. It's my favorite because one of my roommates loved it so so so much. At one point in the episode, Phoebe is discussing with Ross or Rachel why the two of them can't ever seem to stay apart, and Phoebe in her ever-quirky way explains about lobsters mating for life and then says that they can't stay apart because "He's her lobster." This one roommate would quote that all the time and make little lobster claws out of her hands, join them together, and then motion like they were walking away together, claw in claw. Hilarious.

What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just remembered it this morning and felt compelled to share. :)

Yes, son, we do

We have been watching "The Music Man" on DVD a fair bit lately. I love it and the kids love it so it's a good compromise between brainless cartoons and adult tv. We were watching the other day while I spent a good chunk of the day folding laundry when we got to this first number:

http://http://youtu.be/GFRvQ2hDWDk

(Sorry... embedding is disabled on this clip)

When it was over, Porter look at me and said, "Mom, do we know the territory??"